The Mental Conflict

How’s your new job?

How’s the business going?

How are the studies coming along?

Whenever people ask us these types of questions – about how somethings going in our lives – we generally feel compelled to make it sound all positive.

Oh, the jobs great! – we might say, even though as soon as those words leave our mouth something about them feels wrong, as we actually aren’t very happy with our new job.

(I’d guess you know exactly what I’m talking about?…oh, the societal pressure.)

Anyway, this is an example of cognitive dissonance at work.

And to be clear, cognitive dissonance is a mental conflict that occurs when our beliefs do not match with our behaviours (as above), or when we have two conflicting beliefs.

And an example of two conflicting beliefs could be that you believe liars are bad people, all the while catching yourself lying regularly.

You may think – are liars bad? Does that mean I’m bad? I don’t think I’m bad though – I’m a good person!

…you get the point.  

So, why do we do this?

Well let’s work with the example of the new job, where the way we behave (saying we like our new job) and what we believe (that we don’t like our new job) are conflicting.

Let’s say that we’ve been wanting that job for a while – we’ve been waiting for the opportunity to work with that company for a year or two perhaps. And now we’ve finally gotten that job, but we discover that the culture is not quite what it seems from the outside…and it makes us uncomfortable, i.e., we’re not happy.

(Cue mental conflict)

So now we want to resolve this – our brain wants to get some sort of balance back.

So we try to fit in – to give it a chance – but that doesn’t work. We still don’t like the place.

Which then generally leaves us with two choices: one is to leave the company. The other, which is usually a less conscious choice, is to try to convince ourselves, and the world, how happy we are with our new job.

And most times, we choose the latter…(societal pressure right?)

And so that’s pretty much how it goes. That’s why we do what we do. But it’s certainly not ideal.

So then what can we do to have less of these moments?

Well, the best way is to come to terms with our conflicting situation. In other words – face the truth.

It’s ok to not like something that your social circle does like. And it’s ok for things to not always work out – for your life to not be the dream life. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be honest in these situations as the honestly is liberating. It helps resolve the dissonance in a healthy way instead of doing so through dishonesty.

If you’re unhappy with your new job then so be it. Things don’t always work out. Move on. Or stay as long as you need until you can find a better job. Bite the bullet. Learn and grow.

Because the more honest you are with yourself and others, the happier you’ll feel and the stronger you become.

Because truth is liberating. And truth is power.